Without intending to get out my feminist soapbox again, I can't help but dwell on why society is so disapproving of single people, in particular single women. In my travels so far I have been confronted by predatory men who assume a certain thing from my state as a woman travelling alone; people expressing shock that I am single, and bewilderment at the way I am travelling ("Why would you get trains when you can fly direct?"). Sometimes I feel like I am some strange and exotic creature just for the reason that I like travelling alone and having as much as an adventure en route as possible, i.e. travelling overland through Europe - much more rewarding and exciting than jumping on a dull and environment destroying flight. Surely this isn't so abnormal?
Why do so many disapprove of single women? Is it all really down to that communist idea of Engels', that the family is a means of control? Or is it a left-over of a patriarchal and misogynist society in which women existed solely as chattels? Or is it because ultimately most people seek solace in sharing their life with someone, because it is that much easier to be supported and give support? Certainly society is not set up for singletons - if I ever thought otherwise, just trying to buy a flat is reminding me how much easier life is as part of a couple (Stephanos would find it easier running his business and caring for his mother with a partner to support him). Yet I am sick of having to make a constant defense about being a single woman who is almost 30. When I was younger, I used to get the comment, "Well there's plenty of time for that later", but now I can see the panic in the eye, as the words hover on the tip of their tongue, "But you don't have much time left...". For what? Using my looks to ensnare a man? Procreate? What if I don't buy into the idea that women can only attract a man whilst young and comely? What if I don't want to bear babies?
At the wedding nearly every person was in a couple. Most remarked on my strangeness for being single. This was the only time I felt lonely and odd, but I suppose that's to be expected if a whole host of people tell you so. I tried to explain how I relish the freedom, the ability to be myself. I was mostly met with blank stares. The amount of times someone said to me, "Why are you single? I can't imagine you would have any trouble getting a man"! The cheek! As though the only possible reason for being 29 and single is the fact that I cannot get a man to love me. It's amazing that people are bold enough to reveal how shallow and narrow their minds are. And yet they are kind people, most of them, they just cannot understand why I wish to be different. Sheila and Wayne, my apartment friends cannot hide their amazement at my travelling alone. Wayne said to me one night, "Little daughter," - which he calls me, rather to my delight - "I wouldn't let my little daughter do what you are doing. If I had a little daughter like you I'd never let her out of my sight." This lovely man wanting to keep a woman under control. Interesting. He wanted to protect me of course, yet he only felt like that about me as a woman - his sons he felt differently about.
And yet am I not used to this, the background I come from? When most are married and have at least one child by 30? My lack of convention has always been a rod to my back - is it some extended rebellion? But then why should I feel pressure to bow down to convention, just to make other people comfortable? I keep wondering if men are brought up from birth to be more assertive and more ready to shape things to their own sensibilities and if women are brought up to be more subservient? It appears to me men are so much better at nurturing their ego than women are. Do all women really want to be mothers and wives, or is it conditioning? Am I really the odd one out, or as a friend says, more brave (but what is bravery)? I suppose everyone must compromise in a relationship, men as well as women and I know some men who have given up their dreams to support their partners. However I do think it is fair to say men can be more 'eccentric' or act in a less conventional way and be accepted, whereas women are less able to step outside of their given roles. I wouldn't have encountered all this noise about being single and travelling alone had I been a man, I am sure of it.
I suppose ultimately I just don't want to be defined by anyone, I don't want to be put in a box and labelled. I am sure this applies to men too, and they can chafe as much against expectations as women. But are they better at casting them off? Or am I falling into the trap now of making everything gender distinct - perhaps it all comes down to individual character...
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